The Turkey Drop
Turkey Drop - This happens when a dating couple try the long-distance relationship thing when they go off to university or college in September. Typically, when Thanksgiving rolls around and everyone goes home for the holiday, someone gets dumped. Hence the turkey drop.
Example: "I hope Bob and I make it past the turkey..."
I was excited to find this as the showcase definition on Urban Dictionary dot com today. It is Thanksgiving. It makes me look at the routine of everyday life for our generation, and how little has changed in the last few years. When I was in college, I called the Turkey Drop the November Rule, a simple observation from anyone of any college experience that those high school sweethearts start falling by the wayside sometime, typically before November 1st.
If left unattended, the November 1st rule would typically apply...and then, upon going home for Thanksgiving break, depending on the level of security of the dumpee and dumper, there may be a slight reunion, coupled with trump card quality emotional rows.
Trump card quality you ask? I'm talking, that desperate recently-realized-ex, who even though you just hooked up with him (either gender could apply), have little intention of staying with him, probably because you have a newer more interesting romantic future awaiting you at school, and if nothing else, have a more comfortable vision of your next four years than you did in late August, and with such security, you now see realistically that your recently declared ex is not a part of it. Sorry bro. What if you had just gone to the same college as her??? No.
The trump cards are the emotional arsenal artillery he fires at you, because he knows he's losing (actually, lost) you, and is doing anything humanly possible to prove to himself that he still has emotional control over you. See, in his mind, even though he can't make you happy anymore like he used to, he can still make you feel awful, and can make you cry, and can somehow clearly explain that this rupture between you is your fault. Once he makes you cry, he can then try and make you happy again...which he may do, but will blow up again when he realizes that he's still dumped, and you are still going to hook up with that sophomore you are txt-ing over the entire break, as soon as you get back ot the dorm. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and you'll probably be dating said sophomore by X-mas break.
It's like a rite of passage for parties of this generation.
But I like the term Turkey Drop. It is a November Rule, and I think we've all seen it all too often. 1st Semester, Freshmen Year: Emotional buffer for your next four years. Start it out with a bang, or you'll regret having lost time before you graduate. Who likes being alone? Freshmen year not working for you? Still can't find friends to sit with in the dining hall come Spring? November rule need not apply.
Academic Summer Camp
Maybe we should realize that sending 18 year old American kids off to live essentially on their own at academic summer camp, isn't as statistically brilliant as we think. There's so much pressure on high school kids to immediately go to college upon graduating...these routines, routines, routines...like Turkey Dumps themselves... I don't know. I loved college...I did it in two parts. First, academic summer camp. Second, I learned as much as I could from brilliant people on how to avoid thinking like a robot, and how to keep learning efficiently for the rest of my life.
In retrospect, I could have done the summer camp thing much cheaper by just living in the real world for a few years, and I wouldn't be $50 thousand in the student loan hole. But hey, someone is getting rich off it. Can you buy stock in colleges?
Early Alphabet Names
This for all my teacher friends out there. Is it just me, or are all the younger girls out there named Ashlee, Ashleigh, Ashley, Amy, Alisson, Alissa, Andrea, Anna, Amber, Amanda, Alexis, Abby ... did I mention Ashlie? I don't dislike any of these names, but I do prefer a little more diversity.
I have a theory. Obviously most people don't read anymore, but reading does occasionally play a functional role in anyone's life. One of them can be seen at this website. I think people lose their attention span when they realize how many names there are in the world, and just give up early in the alphabet.
Please ... parents to be ... get an attention span, and at least get past K ... or just use your damn family names. Grandma Wilma will LOVE you for it forever. Esther not cool enough for you?? Well wait till you're in the grave and everyone is scoffing at Amber. "You mean like the alerts? Weird."
Sex Toys & Local Economies
My overnight producer informed me that Wal Mart will be providing sex toys for sale. This might not sound like a big deal, but I thought about the local economic impact on towns and cities. I don't have exact statistics, but I would guess that 95% of vibrator and other sexual pleasure devices are sold from locally owned shops (XXX Sex Palace, Adult Video and News, Video Paradise, Lusty Life, Adult Show-World, etc.), NOT at Sears, Radio Shack, Target, and least of all, Wal Mart.
I know it isn't everything, but certainly in some alternative manner, those local kinky sex shops are supporting our local economy better than just filtering it through Wal Mart's juggernaut super-economy.
Now I realize that the local level sex industry took a huge hit with the advent of the internet ... and some of the old standby stores and xxx movie houses had to close, or at least consolidate locations (Recall Pee Wee Herman and the sweet, sweet irony of his PR extravaganza). But longevity has proved itself for local sex retailers through the dot-com boom, and things have seemed to remain ok for them. In fact, with the internet, porn and sex toys in America have become less taboo.
Maybe it has to do with all that state-mantated abstinence education in the schools ... self love is better than AIDS. Crank one to a mag, vibrators are great ... but don't fuck your friends. Regardless, local sex economies have been surviving, and giving back to the community through taxes and pleasurable commodities ... UNTIL NOW!!!
Is it possible that creepy-ass sex shops are the last vestiges of the mom and pop store of American history? Ladies, the day is coming when you won't have to navigate that seedy neighborhood to find your "little helper".
I think that a certain Ritchie (R is the 18th letter of the alphabet btw) Cunningham's pop, Tom Bosley's hardware store probably didn't make it to 2005 like Chachi's Porn Palace did. Bosley went on to sell us geriatric shit and crappy music compilations on paid tv advertisements. Anyway, at some point, there was a sexual revolution, and the ladies, pending decent technology started partaking in toy culture. I'm just glad that local economies have thrived from it up to now.
So I'd like to personally condemn Wal Mart sales of sex toys. Tell me, Wal Mart...how much is enough?